fandomnumbergenerator | (no subject)

I’m trying on the idea that when I was younger, I thought about drugs as some kind of rite of passage. It is dangerously close to “peer pressure” and “gateway drugs” and “hanging out with a bad crowd” and a lot of other health class nonsense. But also says a lot about why I wanted so badly to try heroin, why people’s attempts to protect me from it felt so alienating and patronizing, and made me want it even more.

And the first time I did heroin certainly felt like an initiation, including Ian telling me, “Now you’re a junky for the rest of your life.” (Which also mirrors the 12-step idea that you are always an addict, just active or in recovery.)

And I was doing drugs in a subcultural context (though I’m not sure exactly which subculture – maybe scruffy goth?) And in that context, having done certain drugs, having used needles, definitely gave a sense of belonging, like I immediately had something in common with people (even as it alienated me from other people).