It's probably about 9 years (since I started CBT) that I've been trying to be very clear about boundaries and what kinds of support I can and cannot give my mother. My big breakthrough was encouraging her to get a therapist. Because I do understand that she needs someone to talk to, it just can't be me. Probably not coincidentally, my older daughter is almost 10, and so my mother is willing to admit that I have my own life that I'm juggling and to take a step back.
The issue with her stuff getting ruined was that I knew she was in real emotional pain, and that I wasn't able to pretend to react in the right way. But the idea that I could just admit it upfront, and tell her what I could do (carrying boxes, talking to the plumber), and tell her to reach out to her therapist, instead of trying to navigate a swamp of mutual resentment did seem like a step forward.
And, yes, purging clothing is pretty great. I have a box of memento clothing and a box of fancy clothing that I'm going to try and sell (or give to a charity that specializes in work clothing). Knowing that I'm allowed to set aside certain items as special makes it easier for me to dump everything else.
no subject
The issue with her stuff getting ruined was that I knew she was in real emotional pain, and that I wasn't able to pretend to react in the right way. But the idea that I could just admit it upfront, and tell her what I could do (carrying boxes, talking to the plumber), and tell her to reach out to her therapist, instead of trying to navigate a swamp of mutual resentment did seem like a step forward.
And, yes, purging clothing is pretty great. I have a box of memento clothing and a box of fancy clothing that I'm going to try and sell (or give to a charity that specializes in work clothing). Knowing that I'm allowed to set aside certain items as special makes it easier for me to dump everything else.