![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Dream journal 4/13/19
Apr. 13th, 2019 01:33 pmI was reading through old journals as research for my memoir, and found an instance of “peg” in a journal from 1999 (specifically my wanting to peg a girl I had a crush on) and I was like Huh, I didn’t think the word went back that far [Note: it was actually coined in 2001]
While I was caught up in thinking if about my memoir and trying to make sense of my life in my early 20s, I met a new neighbor. He told me he studied psychic plants, and I immediately knew that he was someone who would understand me and my memoir project. And I asked for his number, a little worried that he would think I was flirting with him.
There was a big street fair and a lot of people I used to know were going to be there. I felt really underdressed because everyone else was in full goth/industrial regalia. [This happened in real life a couple weeks ago at the showing of Industrial Accidents at the Brattle, though I didn’t see anyone I knew there.]
I saw the guy who studied psychic plants, and it turned out that he was actually a molecular biologist. He placed moss in different psychic environments and then analyzed them.
At the street fair, I saw two old friends of mine that I haven’t seen in 25 years. They were both much taller than I remembered and wearing leather trench coats even though it was hot out. The each gave me great big bear hug, and it was great.
While I was caught up in thinking if about my memoir and trying to make sense of my life in my early 20s, I met a new neighbor. He told me he studied psychic plants, and I immediately knew that he was someone who would understand me and my memoir project. And I asked for his number, a little worried that he would think I was flirting with him.
There was a big street fair and a lot of people I used to know were going to be there. I felt really underdressed because everyone else was in full goth/industrial regalia. [This happened in real life a couple weeks ago at the showing of Industrial Accidents at the Brattle, though I didn’t see anyone I knew there.]
I saw the guy who studied psychic plants, and it turned out that he was actually a molecular biologist. He placed moss in different psychic environments and then analyzed them.
At the street fair, I saw two old friends of mine that I haven’t seen in 25 years. They were both much taller than I remembered and wearing leather trench coats even though it was hot out. The each gave me great big bear hug, and it was great.
Dream journal 4/9/19
Apr. 9th, 2019 04:16 pmI was part of the Scooby gang and we were visiting some sort of early 19th century historic house/museum. The house was being haunted by a ghost priest (monk? parson?). In addition to generally scaring everybody away, we noticed him taking oat milk out of the staff fridge.
I solved the case and went to the head of the museum to tell him — the man dressed up as a priest ghost was using oat milk to reveal invisible ink messages in the museum’s collection of 19th century books.
But the museum director (a patrician, old-Boston-type) cornered me with a knife and told me he knew all that because he had hired the man, but that it was too early in the show for me to go after him, so, if I knew what was good for me, I would followed the normal plot of the show and keep investigating the ghost.
I solved the case and went to the head of the museum to tell him — the man dressed up as a priest ghost was using oat milk to reveal invisible ink messages in the museum’s collection of 19th century books.
But the museum director (a patrician, old-Boston-type) cornered me with a knife and told me he knew all that because he had hired the man, but that it was too early in the show for me to go after him, so, if I knew what was good for me, I would followed the normal plot of the show and keep investigating the ghost.
Dream journal 3/2/19
Mar. 2nd, 2019 12:16 pmLast week I had a dream that when you die you go to a tiny windowless office that is packed with books and papers that represent all the shit you didn’t process during your life, and you can’t move on until you have done a sufficiently good job of self understanding.
In the dream I worked for an agency that had figured out how to talk to dead people and to get access to the research they were doing. The woman that I was working with seemed happy to help us— there was some idea that we were helping her get through her research faster. She gave me her semi-broken printer to take back to the living world with me and told me that there was useful information stuck in its print buffer.
I remember thinking that it was a good thing I was going through all my old journals to write my memoir, because that was that much less stuff I would have to go through in the afterlife.
In the dream I worked for an agency that had figured out how to talk to dead people and to get access to the research they were doing. The woman that I was working with seemed happy to help us— there was some idea that we were helping her get through her research faster. She gave me her semi-broken printer to take back to the living world with me and told me that there was useful information stuck in its print buffer.
I remember thinking that it was a good thing I was going through all my old journals to write my memoir, because that was that much less stuff I would have to go through in the afterlife.
Dream journal 12/27/18
Dec. 27th, 2018 09:26 amA few days ago I dreamt I was interviewing at graduate schools again, including at a new University of California campus that was in the middle of nowhere. They rented a car for me, but it was super budget. It looked like a 1980s Citröen deux-chevaux, and was made by French Canadian nuns. You turned on the air conditioning using a big light-up button that said something like "sinner" in French. I met up with my ex-girlfriend for coffee, and she told me that her mother was forcing her to go to an obscure California State school for her MFA. And we commiserated about going to bad graduate schools.
Two nights ago, I dreamt that my husband was having an affair with his weed dealer, who was a beautiful 20-something women who lived down the block from us. I tried to figure out if he was in love with her, and decided that since he wasn't, I could tolerate some sexual infidelity. Espacially since I suspected that she might be willing to sleep with me too. But then I realized that she was totally in love with my husband, and was kind of a crazy stalker.
Two nights ago, I dreamt that my husband was having an affair with his weed dealer, who was a beautiful 20-something women who lived down the block from us. I tried to figure out if he was in love with her, and decided that since he wasn't, I could tolerate some sexual infidelity. Espacially since I suspected that she might be willing to sleep with me too. But then I realized that she was totally in love with my husband, and was kind of a crazy stalker.
Dream journal 12/16/18
Dec. 16th, 2018 12:01 pmI dreamed that I was with Steve Rogers in a bathroom and Sam and Bucky showed up. But Bucky had been trying to treat a stab wound by hanging out in a walk-in freezer so he was ice cold (with icicles clinging to his hair and clothes) He was wearing a grey, crocheted 1930s swimming outfit including a grey crocheted swim cap with a white stripe. Steve took one look at Bucky and completely flipped out because he was convinced they had both died in the war. Sam had to calm him down. But also thought it was kind of hilarious.
Dream journal 6/26/18
Jun. 26th, 2018 10:02 pmI had a dream that Ezra Miller was going to replace Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock, and I told him how much the archetype of Sherlock Holmes as a functional drug addict had meant to me when I was shooting heroin and speed. And he was very gracious about it, and told me I was absolutely right.
Dream journal 6/3/18
Jun. 3rd, 2018 03:37 pmTwo nights ago I had a dream that the Mary Poppins books ended with Mr Banks killing everyone.
Dream journal 12/6/17
Dec. 6th, 2017 04:16 pmI️ had a dream last night that I️ sat on a random blue sofa at a bus stop, and when I️ got on the bus, the bus driver told me that the sofa was carrying quincy and that I️ had to be careful. And I️ spent the rest of the dream trying to figure out how to sterilize my daughter’s stuffed animals which had been in my backpack when I️ was sitting on the sofa.
In the dream, “quincy” (pronounced quin-zee like the city) was a disease with a recurring fever, and when I️ looked it up this morning, quintan fever is another name for trench fever. So good job brain for sort of remembering obscure infectious diseases. But I’d really prefer not to have anxiety dreams about them.
After some more research, it turns out quinsy is the common name for peritonsullar abscess. So it’s a thing. But the thing in my dream was definitely trench fever.
Dream journal 10/22/17
Oct. 22nd, 2017 10:03 pmLast night I had a dream that I was asking the Winter Soldier to be the DC chapter head of LGBTQ alumni group I’m the co-chair of.
His name was even in our crappy AlumniMagnet database as Winter Soldier.
I mean, I’m sure he didn’t go to my college. But maybe he’s a guest lecturer?
His name was even in our crappy AlumniMagnet database as Winter Soldier.
I mean, I’m sure he didn’t go to my college. But maybe he’s a guest lecturer?
Dream journal 8/30/17
Aug. 30th, 2017 08:37 amI had a dream last night that a picture of me and Michael started showing up on touristy T-shirts as an example of 90s grunge, and I simultaneously had to deal with how to assert some kind of copyright claim and also the shock of finding a picture of Michael that I’d never seen before.
Dream journal 5/7/16
May. 7th, 2016 10:08 pmI had a dream about the Lemonade film, which I haven't seen. Beyoncé had a great retro outfit with an amazing wide-rimmed Agent Carter style hat.
And also a dinner table set for historical Black women as an answer to Judy Chicago’s The Dinner Party. And all the flowers on the table were traditional healing herbs.
And also a dinner table set for historical Black women as an answer to Judy Chicago’s The Dinner Party. And all the flowers on the table were traditional healing herbs.
Dream journal 2/23/16
Feb. 23rd, 2016 10:11 pmI had a Winter Soldier dream last night.
Steve was chasing Bucky down, and there were alien-obsessed cultists and an underground fighting ring, and a Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon style fight in a sunflower field.
And, for some reason, I was back at my old apartment in the Tenderloin, rummaging through old boxes looking for a forgotten (as if) bag of dope for Bucky.
So, I’m not sure if I should classify this as a drug dream or a fannish dream
Steve was chasing Bucky down, and there were alien-obsessed cultists and an underground fighting ring, and a Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon style fight in a sunflower field.
And, for some reason, I was back at my old apartment in the Tenderloin, rummaging through old boxes looking for a forgotten (as if) bag of dope for Bucky.
So, I’m not sure if I should classify this as a drug dream or a fannish dream
Dream journal 1/14/16
Jan. 14th, 2016 10:19 amI had a dream last night that nothing happened to The Other Brother. He’s just kind of a slacker (with amazing messy curly black hair), living with their parents. And somehow he and Mycroft end up going on a road trip, with Mycroft in a 3-piece suit the whole time, and his brother just sort of sprawled out in the backseat. Also, at one point they were on a motorcycle.
Dream journal 10/27/15
Oct. 27th, 2015 03:35 pmI had a weird hybrid drug/anxiety dream last night.
I was at some kind of supervised injection site, and got into an argument with a guy who was trying to steal my drugs (tar, which even in the dream, I was, like, yuk). And then he contaminated my water by flushing his needles in it and started poking at me with his used needles, and then I was basically grappling with a man who was armed with dirty needles. And the staff wouldn’t do anything, so I had to abandon my drugs and leave without getting high.
But then I had to figure out how I was going to get PEP, and explain to my husband that we were going to have to start using condoms again, and also explain to him that I’d been trying to get high.
I would be fascinated by the stuff my brain can come up with, if the dream hadn’t totally trashed my emotional equilibrium.
Dream journal 9/15/15
Sep. 15th, 2015 10:07 amLast night, I dreamt about kissing Hayley Atwell.
She had very soft lips.
She had very soft lips.
Dream journal 6/1/15
Jun. 1st, 2015 06:37 pmI had a dream last night about Michael. I guess he was alive, but we were mostly out of touch. Another ex I was vaguely connected to on FB. And then his mother got hold of me, because he had overdosed and was in coma. I recommended playing Skinny Puppy to him because sometimes music can help.
It always takes me a while to reconstruct reality after that kind of dream.Dream journal 10/25/13
Oct. 25th, 2013 02:24 pmI must have had some kind of drug dream last night that I don’t remember, because when I woke up from it, it took me a long time to figure out what was true and what wasn’t. I was convinced that my idea that I haven’t done heroin in 14 years was wrong and I had vivid memories of a couple benders with Kate over the years. I spent a while worrying about it, and then went back to sleep.
Right from the week I quit, I have been counting how long its been. Which is obviously influenced by 12 step and abstinence based programs, picked up through the cultural ether, because I’ve never been to a 12-step meeting. I mean it did take about 6 months for me to feel like my brain was starting to work right, and I wouldn’t want to go through that again, though it’s hard for me to untangle heroin from the depression and grief.
But this thing that keeps showing up in my dreams of ruining everything by getting high once, that if I’ve gotten high once, everything would be wasted and there would be nothing to stop me from doing tons of drugs, is so problematic.
Maia Szalavitz has written about extensive research showing how the logic of abstinence only can turn small slips into full blown relapses. And, that’s clearly what’s happening in my drug dreams, where the justification for a particular hit is the memory of the previous one.
Dream journal 9/5/13
Sep. 5th, 2013 04:13 pmSlept badly because I woke up in the middle of the night with another drug dream. Found myself in possession of at least a bundle of heroin, and was working my way through it. With all the requisite anxieties of finding uncapped needles and torn bags everywhere as soon someone who wasn’t supposed to know I was getting high came over.
And then Tobias (who in real life has never done heroin, unless you count that shitty brown “ecstasy” that was all over the east coast in about 1995) was getting high with me, and shooting up, and I felt terrible about it. And also annoyed that he wanted to do some kind of internet research on the stamp, and kept waving empty bags around when other people were there.
