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"I was WONDERING if Tobias from your last narrative post was your current husband (& hoping that, if not, it was someone else & not Ben)."

—nonvolleyball

Tumblr is weird reverse world, where people know all the most intimate things about me that almost no one in my real life knows, but don’t know who I’m married to.

Also, thinking about how different it would be if I were married to Ben (who quit speed after we broke up, but who is still working at the same coffee shop and who seems to be getting more and more bitter after dating a series of crazy, flaky white girls).

Tobias is the first person I’d dated who had graduated from college, and I think that let me be more comfortable with having gone to a good school and being on a career track, and also made it easier to sweep everything else under the rug.

Not to mention the difference between dating someone who is half-Black and someone who is half-Chinese, and the degree to which Tobias and our daughter are just considered white.